• Tweet
• Share
• Email
• Sharebar

Which comes first: The Chicken or the wyngz*?

Thursday nights are not a cooking night in the Lefever Estate. Beer and Pizza is usually on the menu, regardless of what’s going on, and I’m either enjoying a regularly scheduled hang-out with Tony, or a video game veg-out session with the company of our Loft Dogs.

So last Thursday, I stopped by Schnucks on the way home for the office in prep of traditional Thusday evening fare when lo and behold, DiGiorno has produced a new product.   Being the adventurous type, this one made my consumer sense tingle:  a double-thick box that includes not only the standard slab of doughy delicacy, but a side order of wyngz*.

I’m no stranger to novel meats, having been served everything from Missouri squirrel stew to shots of alcohol fermenting with dead snake. DiGiorno has accomplished a full re-branding of the “chicken wing” concept into something entirely different.

Wyngz*, in fact, may have moved the bar to a new threshold of what chicken can be.  The FDA-appeasing box makes it pretty clear that wyngz* are not “wings”, as we’re told that “wyngz*” contain no “wing meat”.     So, I must conclude that wyngz* must come from some other, equally tasty animal, like they chikynz.

So, my curiosity to see what a “wyng*” is compelled me to indulge.

Oven pre-heated and hungry for dinner, I opened the box.  My side of wyngz* lay atop my Supreme Frozen delicacy. A plastic-wrapped baggie of breaded, familiar shapes, about six of them and a small wad of breading that must qualify for the seventh wyngz* promised on the box.

Taking a closer look, I would call a wyng* a closer relative to the more familiar “chicken nugget” than I would a relative to the “chicken wing”.   And it’s boneless, and flapping a boneless wing is sort like flapping your… well, nevermind.

My side order of wyngs* also included a plastic pack of Honey BBQ Sauce, which I heated up and ported intravenously it into my veins:

Having “nugget” status is a downgrade from the “wing”, and it certainly makes no marketing sense to sell a premium frozen pizza with something called a “nugget”.  For lack of a better term, a premium pizza deserves a premium side, like the wyng*, which strangely has the same cooking instructions as the “nugget”.

I believe wyngz* make one thing clear to us all:  In food science, there is only one constant:  there is unlimited potential in ways to cut, dry, freeze, bread, flavor, and re-arrange pountry.

And for that, thank you, DiGiorno, for re-defining what chicken can be. And on the quest to re-invent the English language, let’s not stop with wyngz*.  My next side suggestions are: “Salid w/ Rizanch Dressyng*” and “Nah-chos*” as potential side options.

Similar Posts:

• A Compilation of the Most Useful Market Misfit Posts
• Tales of Deceptive Marketing – Cracked.com’s List of 6 Words Advertisers Love and “Hungry Man” Frozen Meals
• Tales of Deceptive Marketing – Crisco Vegetable Oil
• Tales of Deceptive Marketing – “You Deserve It” and Entitlements in Advertising
• FireFox Plugins Every Web Developer or Web Promoter Should Have